Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Stonehenge Apocalypse

Random thoughts and questions inspired by the SyFy movie. If you've seen it, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, well, this is what you missed...

1. Here we are at Stonehenge with a random tour group. The earth is shaking. Quaking, one might say. Does anyone move away from those towering stones that would crush you if they fell, as things are wont to do in an earthquake? No.

2. When said giant stones start sliding around, which is the better action:

a. Run away so you don't get crushed between stones or knocked over by ripped-up sod, or

b. Stand still and scream. I guess it doesn't matter, since we've already overlooked the fact that Stonehenge has been off limits to the general public for a very long time.

3. Why is Misha's character Jacob and his friend Joseph? Why not Jake and Joe?

4. That random hazmat person who just got fried? Kinda deserved it. Duh, you knew the thing burned up seven people. Maybe you should RUN.

5. Misha...I mean, Jacob...just emerged from the woods in the morning. Where was he all night, after being chased by security? Hanging in the woods? Yuck.

6. Um...if a signal is reducing itself every time it cycles, isn't it by definition counting down?

7. Jacob has a bit of the Dean vibe, with his layered shirts and the pendant.

8. How exactly did Jacob "pick up" an electromagnetic surge over a distance of x miles and an ocean, anyway?

9. Okay, the first death was inevitable. The second a justifiable mistake. But once something happens twice, you have no one to blame but yourself for letting it happen a third time.

10. Of COURSE the military thinks demolition is the right move! Do they never watch movies or TV? That never ends well.

11. They keep asking how these stones move, but they haven't tried to dig down a little bit to find the tracks they're obviously moving ON.

12. These people don't read comic books. That's Dr. X's symbol on that Mediterranean artifact that Jacob thinks is a key!

13. Yay, no one died during this new Event! Well, not in England, anyway. That blast in Mexico looks pretty deadly. So...why electricity in England and "volcanoes" in the Yucatan and Indonesia? (I use the quotation marks because it looks more like a Michael Bay event than a volcano.)

14. I can't wait to see how long it takes Jacob and the real scientist to get to New York and back! :) They've only got 30 hours.

15. Well, ridiculous science and plot developments aside, I think the idea of re-terraforming the planet is kind of cool.

16. Oh, what a coincidence, the artifact goes EM just as they arrive at the museum. Trigger? None. How convenient to prove Jacob right!

17. Plot twist! Who are those armed whatever they ares bent on getting the artifact for themselves? Uh...Joseph?

18. Commence exchange of catch phrases between former best friends who are now on extremely opposite sides...catch phrases that would indicate insanity if they weren't so overused.

19. Ow. ETA: I can't remember what happened that made me say that.

20. Stones are moving again. How can they be digging up new sod when they're following the same tracks?

21. I'm so glad Joseph's "Chosen Ones" laugh like Beavis and Butthead. Future of the human race, indeed.

22. Wow, the artifact/key thing got clean and shiny.

23. Hey, the bad guy died with half an hour left to go. Good thing he wasn't superfluous or anything.

24. Nice redemptive moment for the clueless scientist/government guy in charge...

25. I hope someone gave Misha/Jacob a GPS, so he doesn't take a wrong turn during his race against the clock/nuclear bomb.

26. Four minutes left, and poor Jacob gets shot feet from his goal! Oh, the tension! I can't tell where the second bullet hit. He's probably not dead.

27. Say it with me now: "It was a ROBOT HEAD."

28. That was the lamest ending EVER.


MJFredrick said...

This is much funnier than my review would have been. But the best part--the bad guy wearing capris.

Natalie J. Damschroder said...

Thanks, MJ! LOL I should have remembered to add that after we talked about it.

Anonymous said...

I didn't understand a thing since I haven't seen the movie, but it still made me laugh. :)

Natalie J. Damschroder said...

LOL I tried to edit it to make it less oblique, but it was hard without explaining everything that happened, which I didn't have the patience (or memory!) to do. But I'm glad it made you laugh! :)

sada said...
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