Two and a Half Men

Note: I wrote this live, with my reactions interjected, as I watched so I could get to bed early for a writer's conference tomorrow. Hope it's okay. :)

Cozy fire, fam pics, blood-smeared hand smashes framed photo. A bloody mom carrying her baby runs through the house. Phone’s dead. They hide under the bed. Damn, don't do that. They always find you under there. Footsteps. Bad guy goes away. False security. Mom see’s her dead husband. She squeals, but killer seems not to have heard. Then she’s yanked out from under the bed. Totes saw that coming!

Dean checking weapons in the Impala. Puts them away and covers the car back up with a tarp. Boo. Wow, he’s moved Lisa and Ben into a new house. The poor kid isn’t happy about it. Dean is reluctant to let either one of them out of his sight.

Sam talks to cops about missing baby and murdered parents.

Dean orders pizza instead of taking his family out. Lisa and Ben are upset he’s keeping them under house arrest.

Sam discovers there was no sulfur. No EMF. But four couples have been killed and four babies are missing. Grandpa Campbell’s on the phone saying this isn’t natural. Sam realizes there may be one common connection--Harper Caine Home Security.

Dean catches Ben playing with a rifle from the Impala and he’s very upset. He snaps at Ben and says he’ll never, ever shoot a gun. Ben is crushed by Dean’s outburst.

Clients of Harper Caine definitely seem to be the target. Sam goes to find a client that’s still alive.

Lisa is freaked by Dean’s overprotective attitude and tries to convince him they have to live life, despite nameless threats.

Sam breaks into a house and finds the parents dead. He follows some bloody footprints and is, of course, attacked. Sam cuts the Caine security guard with a knife and the silver burns him like acid. The dude disappears and Sam finds something—I’m guessing a baby— under a table.

Sam calls Dean for help. Dean is salting the windows in his new house and says he’s out. Sam threatens to stop by his house if he doesn’t meet him. Dean shows up. Cue the creepy music and then flash to Dean seeing…an adorable, big-eyed baby in the backseat.

“Welcome to the party, Guttenberg.” –Sam to Dean

Dean instructs Lisa on the proper way to load and use a gun, while she encourages him to go handle this mission with his brother. He does, but shows up in his truck! Why? Where’s the Impala? The brothers figure they’ve either got a ghoul, zombie, shifter or any other dozen of things on their hands. Only problem is, none of them typically babynap.

The Winchester boys go shopping for baby supplies! Dean’s not entirely clueless thanks to Lisa’s niece. The baby starts crying and neither of the guys can figure out how to make him stop. I keep yelling at Dean to “pick him up!” Their awkwardness is adorable and funny. Especially when Dean cries back at the baby. I’ll admit I’ve used that approach myself. Didn’t work any better. A nice woman in the grocery line holds the baby, who they’ve dubbed Bobby John (love that!) and finds he’s a bit wet. Dean’s relief at having help turns to fear when he sees her on a security feed. Her eyes are flashy. He demands the baby back and she takes off with the infant. Dean tries to grab her and rips off some of her skin. (Eeew!) In a nice move, Sam intercepts the baby. Dean then catches the woman and tries to stab her, but she cries out like a victimized old woman being attacked by a hoodlum and a store manager comes to help. The Winchesters run off with the baby. The evil woman takes notes of Sam’s license plate.

“This is like diffusing an IED with poop.” –Dean to Sam

After changing Bobby John’s diaper, Dean sings to the baby (Smoke on the Water!) and gets him to sleep. Sigh. There is nothing sexier than a man cuddling a baby. So hot! Sam compliments Dean on his parenting skills. Dean says he’s had some practice with Ben. He considers the kid his and he wants something more for him then what their dad gave them. Sam points out Dean's holding them prisoner, just as they were.

Sam leaves to find a different baby’s father. He realizes a shifter posed as the guy and slept with his wife, getting her pregnant.

Dean is enjoying his usual magic fingers when the baby starts screaming. Blood and goop explode everywhere. Naaasty! The baby’s a shifter and he just went from white to black. Hee hee.

Knock on the door. Guy says there have been complaints about the crying baby and can he please come in. Dean refuses. Guy breaks in. It’s a shifter and he says the baby should be with his father and then he intimates there’s a greater father the baby belongs to. Say what???

The boys ascertain the shifter posed as a security guard for Caine. He scoped out families and when the dad left on business he would pose as the husband, get a little nookie and then goes back 9 months later for the baby. Clever, but oh so gross.

Sam calls Bobby John a baby monster. Dean wants to protect him. Sam suggests bringing it to Samuel, but Dean hates the idea. Anyone else notice how Sam is dehumanizing things? He calls the baby and Ben by him or it.

Dean won't hand Bobby John over. Who could blame him. And have I said how HOT Dean looks with a baby? Sam takes Bobby John and hands him over to Samuel. Samuel says they're going to raise him.

“You can’t Angelina Jolie a shapeshifter.” – Dean to Samuel

Dean makes his distrust known. Especially after it's decided that Christian will be the baby’s daddy. Seriously, what is this? Does anyone else think maybe they’re collectors more than hunters? Dogs start barking. The Campbells tell the Winchesters to put the baby downstairs in the panic room where he’ll be safe. The shapeshifter shows up as Samuel.

They shoot him, stab him, and tranquilize him. Dude does not go down. He kills one of the Campbells and shakes off the sedation.

The shifter shows up in the panic room as Sam. Then he turns into Dean. Dean starts to strangle Dean and then takes the baby. Real Dean passes out. Faux Dean struts off with the baby.

Turns out that was the Alpha, the king shape shifter. The first shifter to spawn all the others. Samuel doesn’t know if it’s possible to kill the Alpha.

Dean accuses Sam of using the baby as bait to catch the Alpha shifter. Even he doesn’t trust his brother!

Samuel is talking to someone on the phone, promising he’ll catch the Alpha.

Dean returns home to Lisa. He’s so torn. Poor baby! Is it better to stay with them and keep them safe, or is it better for them if he goes? Lisa doesn’t know if they’ll be safer one way or the other, but she knows he’s a hunter, not a construction worker. She knows he wants to be out there, with Sam. And she understands. God love her. An SPN woman besides Pamela, I actually like. Lisa knows Dean will keep having this internal struggle and she thinks he should go. Dean is shocked she doesn’t want him. She says that’s not the case. He can go do what he needs to and come back to her when he can. Just as long as he comes back in one piece. Dean doesn’t know if they can pull something like that off, but she says it’s worth a shot. Awwww.

Final shot…Yay! The Metallicar is unveiled and brings a smile to Dean’s face. He’s back!

And that is SUCH an incomplete episode. Sheesh. I hate it when so many things are left unresolved in an episode. And next week’s preview— which included a, GODHELPME I watched it over and over again, in slo-mo, shot of Jared doing pull-ups with his shirt off—doesn’t look to address the shifter thing. Where’s the poor monster baby? Who’s grandpa talking to? Are they starting a zoo of Alpha creatures? Was anyone sad the one Campbell died? Didn't see a bit of mourning. Sam seemed a little more himself, but even he admitted something’s off. What is it? All in all I had mixed feelings about this episode. Loved the humor, glad to see both guys a little more themselves, adored seeing Dean with that baby (sigh), but I’m annoyed by the Campbells and whatever the heck is going on. Maybe Cass will shed some light next week. What did you all think?