"My Bloody Valentine" or ew, Ew, EW!

Okay, so y'all know how squeamish I am? I'm supposed to recap, yet I'm now too traumatized for words.

Where to start... Definitely not with that beginning. When two adorable lovebirds, as Dean later puts it "eat each other too death." With gusto. Um, the title of the episode is funny anyway.

Shortly after the, er, hungry couple, we meet a devoted Jim at the office and his tearful, needy girlfriend. Who--kind of hilariously--blows away the cyncial co-worker who makes the "whipped" sound (I've always hated that.) Jim and girlfriend, now worried that prison might keep them apart, perpetrate a suicide pact to stay together for eternity.

And now a morgue where Sam and Dean are investigating internal organs--MY EYES! Seriously, this ep made me nostaglic for the days of radio shows. But admid the organs, Sam finds suspcious marking (specifically Angelic Marks) that leads to Dean calling Cass. Funny interaction where Cass shows up about an inch from Dean and says awkwardly, into his phone, "I'm hanging up now." Cass explains they're looking for a rogue Cupid (that would be a cherub, third class). Dean: "Cupid?" Like the guy with arrows and a diaper? Cass gives one of his classically dry deliveries and explains that Cupid isn't incontinent. Have I mentioned how much I love Cass?

The three guys track down a Cupid, who manifests as a chubby, jolly shirtless guy who lifts Dean off his feet. We cut to commercial and I try to summon up the nerve to watch more. (Meanwhile, an ad for Shutter Island grosses me out.)

Okay, continuing to watch totally pays off for me. After commercial, we see see that Cupid is not so much attacking Dean as hugging him (and Cupid also appears to be...pantsless). Then he hugs the heck out of Cass and advances on a horrified looking Sam. Dean asks, confused, "Is this a fight? Are we in a fight? I don't like it." Cass: "No one likes it." They accuse Cupid of murdering his targets (or causing them to murder each other) and the rest of this scene, OMG, you just have to see for yourself. Freaking hysterical. But they do hear the revelation that John and Mary Winchester were a heaven-ordered, Cupid precipitated match specifically so that Sam and Dean were born.


Annnnnnd we're back in the morgue and I am scared and watching through my fingers. I'll spare you the details except to say guy on the slab died for love of Twinkies.

After the morgue, Sam once again sees a suspicious guy in a black suit who brings to mind a Reaper. Sam attacks him in an alley with The Knife and is entirely too excited by the sight of the guy's blood. At this point, "ew" is just getting redundant. But the cut demon gets away, leaving behind a suitcase. Dean: "Let's crack it open. What's the worst that could happen?" Oh, DEAN, have you not seen your show?

An explosion of light follows. Cass, who has apparently developed a fondness for burgers, tells the boys that there was a soul in the suitcase and that the town is suffering from "Famine." Hunger for food, hunger for affection, hunger for... You name it. This horseman, btw, rides a black steed--a wheel chair, rather than a sports car. The horseman is a frail old man hungering for souls of his victims. Then follows a gross cafe scene that should help me lose weight. This entire episode is good for that; even Dean lost his appetite earlier.

Deprived of the human soul he was supposed to get, Famine just eats the demon Sam slashed in the alley. And I'm guessing Sam's hunger for demon blood will become a plot point again before the ep is over. Speaking of which...Sam is sweating in front of a mirror and becoming more agitated. Dean wants to know if Famine can be defeated by slicing off his ring, as they did with War. Meanwhile, Sam's having DTs in the corner. Where's the nearest weekly meeting of Demon Blood Anonymous when you need one? Dude, call your sponsor! (Which reminds me, where the heck has Bobby been?) Cass declares Sam infected and Dean prepares to go ring-hunting without his bro, after handcuffing Sam to the hotel plumbing (which I can easily imagine getting ripped out of the wall soon).

Yet another trip to the morgue, only this time the doc in charge of the lab is the one on the slab, after drinking himself to death. Cass says that the doctor's soul hasn't been harvested yet and could be their path to Famine. Meanwhile, Cass continues to scarf down burgers, reminding me a little of when I was pregnant in my eighth month and couldn't get enough avocado. Cass wants to know where Dean's hunger is, and Dean maintains he doesn't have repressed appetites because he eats when he wants, gets laid when he wants, etc. But little bro Sam? Seriously repressed appetite. The demons come in and free him. He stabs one in the neck and goes to town. Gross. But it does bring back his powerful mojo.

Dean and Burger Boy track down famine at the Cafe Del Grossness but the plan to cut the ring off goes awry when Cass gets sidetracked by red meat. Dean is caught and dragged to Famine who says that Dean is a void, completely broken and defeated with no hunger left for anything. "Inside, you're already dead." They're interupted by a bloody-faced, Dark Side Sam. Famine, wanting to bring Sam closer to Lucifer, happily invites him to chow down on all the demons in the room. Sam peforms a mass exorcism thingy that leaves Dean wide-eyed and freaked, then Sam tells Famine, "No." Yay! Sam may earn that sobriety token after all.

Famine then eats the demon spirit thingies, and Sam basically kills all the spirits he ate. (Okay, I took lots of writing and communications classes for my degree and have written lots of stuff in the last ten years of being published, yet never did I think I'd type a sentence like that last one.)

Unfortunately, Sam has to go through another painful detox that is hellish for Dean to hear (he copes by swigging straight from a whiskey bottle, then finally leaving to go hang out at the Impala). He cries, then prays for help. I cry along with him. And we go to black screen. Dude. Harsh.

Scenes for next episode. The good news? Bobby! The bad news? March freaking 25th.

And in closing, a little public service announcement. This Valentine's Day, it may be okay to do some harmless, playful nibbling. However, it is never okay to gnaw your valentine to death.