Tanya’s real-time “Hammer of the Gods” Recap

So here’s how I’m going to do this… I’ll type up my summary during commercial breaks, before I’ve actually seen the end and know how it turns out. (Obviously, spoilers abound.) That way, you get my purest, in-the-moment reaction and can also see whether or not I saw what was coming or was way, way off. (Also, by doing it like this, I still have time to watch Project Runway before I go to bed. Hey, it’s the grand finale—don’t judge me.)

Aaaaaaannnnnnnnd, previously.

After a recap about the Trickster really being Gabriel and The End being, you know, Near, we open on an abandoned motel in Muncie, Indiana where a cop is investigating…something? and I am hoping against hope that this episode won’t really be as gross as I fear. A creepy-polite smiley man in a bowtie appears behind the hapless (and soon to be dead) cop and says, “They’re coming” and explains we all have our parts to play. The cop’s part, apparently, is dinner. (This does not bode well for my hopes.)

Next we see Sam and Dean check in. The hotel has undergone major renovations in the last twenty seconds. (In fact, Sam wonders a few minutes later what a four-star hotel is doing on a no-star highway.) The creepy bowtie guy checks them in and tells them the restaurant has the best pie in the state—he also points out a “shaving nick” on Dean’s neck. Dean happily scarfs down some food, which I fear he and I may both regret. Sam thinks they should be out seeking ways to shut down Lucifer, but Dean points out the storm makes that impossible and they need to be well-rested for the Apocalypse. In the restaurant, he pulls a “How you doin’?” (when the hell did he become Joey Tribbiani?) on Rehka Sharma. Y’all, for reals, if I ever see that woman on the street, I am running the other way. I don’t care how hot she is, woman is evil. Clearly Dean doesn’t watch Battlestar Galactica or V (okay, it’s not proven that she’s evil on the latter, but come on. She totally is). We see a shot of the kitchen that includes a dismembered arm. Gee, thanks so much for that.

After pie, Dean and Sam see a couple making out in the hall and shortly thereafter some wall-banging sex appears to take place in their room. Except when it actually damages the wall, they get suspicious (Dean and Sam, not the couple). Sam tries to follow creepy bowtie but loses him (meanwhile gaining a bloody nick on his neck.) Dean, off on his own meanwhile, passes an elephant in a bathrobe. When the brothers are back together, they investigate the kitchen (no! don’t go in there!) and find a bowl of something that is decidedly not tomato soup…and a bunch of people screaming in the freezer. Which is when thugs show up and drag Sam and Dean to the shindig.

Gotta say, this ep is a really interesting take on the whole religion/Apocalypse. See, the other gods—Kali, Odin, Ganesh, to name a few—take umbrage that the Angels and their god are ending the world when they were here first. (Of course, these gods don’t particularly get along with each other. Funniest line ever: “Don’t mock my world turtle.”) Much less amusing is the blood sacrifice dinner that is served (cop from the first scene) and I immediately become a vegetarian.

Into this mess walks the Trickster/Gabriel. The other gods know him as Loki and not an angel. He tells the boys he’s there to spring him, but his plan to seduce beautiful and evil Kali the Destroyer go awry when she gets his blood too (binding him and the Winchesters, through their previous “nicks” to her). Apparently, she knows he’s Gabriel and ganks him with his own arch-angel sword. And Tanya screams “nooooooo!”

Sam and Dean agree to help the gods—maybe they can all take down Lucifer together, how very after school special of them—but only if the gods let go of the walking entrees in the freezer. When Dean sees those people safely out of the building, he gets a “psssst, over here" and finds Gabriel hiding in the backseat of a car. (Turns out, he knew better than to have his actual sword on him and Kali got a fake made of orange slice cans.) Gabriel wants Dean to get back their vials of binding blood and then get them out of there before any of them have to confront Lucifer. Did you think Gabe was really dead? I admit, I did. After all, this show is not shy about killing people. (RIP Jo, Ellen, John, Mary, Adam).

As the gods and Winchesters are debating how to kill Lucifer, guess who rings the front bell and announces “checking in?” Dun dun DUH!

Commercial aside: who else totally wants to see The Losers?

Wait a minute, the creepy bowtie guy called Lucifer! (Who says “you did right by calling me” but then kills him anyway.) What follows is gore, carnage and blood spatter as Lucifer (in the decaying human vessel not meant to contain him) systematically dispatches the gods. Only Kali puts up a significant opposition, but she’s clearly losing when guess who swoops in? Gabe! Who stands protectively (and somewhat bad-assedly) in the way as the Winchesters take Kali and escape. Gabe gives a fantastic speech about not being on “your side, or Michael’s—if he was here, I’d shiv his ass too.” No, Gabriel declares himself on the side of “people,” because we’re flawed as all hell but we keep trying. He tells Lucifer that he’s a “big bag of dicks” and this whole thing is a temper tantrum because he was no longer the favorite son when “Dad bought the new baby home.” It’s a fantastic monologue that ends badly when Lucifer senses the real Gabe is behind him. Lucifer doesn’t trick as easily as Kali and he actually gets teary when he kills Gabe. So do I!!! Richard Speight Jr is my favorite recurring character. AUGH. But it was definitely a more worthy death than the earlier Kali fakeout.

After commercial break, we find Sam and Dean watching a porn movie…that stars Gabe. “If you’re watching this, I’m dead. Oh, please. Stop sobbing. It’s embarrassing for all of us. Without me, you got zero shot of killing Lucifer. But you can trap him. That cage you sprung him from? It’s still down there.” The big secret is that with the four rings of the Horsemen, you can trap Lucifer. Now, we have a plan!!!! No more Trickster (sniff) but a plan. Dean reminds us that they’ve already taken the rings from War & Famine, which leaves only Pestilence and Death. Which leads to an absolutely disgusting scene of Pestilence. Oh, thanks, show, you couldn’t let me end on a halfway decent and non-grossed-out note?

Yucky, but definitely moved the story forward with a new twist. I’m not thrilled about Gabe’s death but thought it was well written (and as always, he did a great job with the material.) What did you guys think?